Doing What I Want

I've always been a pretty passive person. I don't speak my mind too often, and I'm inclined to be dragged along with other people's plans. I can't say this has ever bothered me too much; I've never actively worked against it. Sometimes it's nice to not have the responsibility. However, I think I've reached a point in my life where I need to take control.

I'm currently undertaking an English degree. I love it, and I love what I'm able to do right now. It allows me to be creative but to also be analytical, critical, and independent with my research. My parents (especially one of them) wants me to go into a professional, high-paying job. Whilst this sounds fine, they don't seem to see the importance of my happiness. I need a job where I can feel enriched and most of the office jobs that are being suggested to me just aren't what I'm looking for. Don't get me wrong, I know how privileged I am to be saying this. At the moment, as a student, I'm looking for any type of work - I couldn't care less about job satisfaction since I just need the money. The idea of repetitiveness is what terrifies me, and I don't want to spend the rest of my years doing a monotonous job that drains the life out of me. Our society puts such an emphasis on wealth and not emotional wellbeing and it is so disappointing.

I need to be creative. I need to do something that enables me to express myself, design things, collaborate with others and most importantly feel free. I feel as if I've created some fictional job that doesn't even exist in this dimension. I'm sure 99% of the population would much rather be doing something of this nature, but it just isn't there. Creative work just isn't where the money is, at ground level, and it's so hard to make a break-through in the creative world without connections and some wealth already behind you.

Part of it also comes down to confidence. Do I have the confidence to tell my parents that I want to pursue something like music and crush their dreams of me living a financially secure life? Probably not. It's difficult to break out of a mold that people have crafted for you I suppose.

If you asked me what the point of this post was, I wouldn't be able to tell you. I'll read this back again tomorrow and wonder why I was whining about something so trivial. It's just nice to write, and it stops me from embarrassing myself by actually saying it out loud.