When you're growing up, you're expected to be filled with ambitions and dreams of what you want to do in your life, and you're also expected to have the motivation to fulfill these dreams. The majority of people around you usually seem to have ideas of what they want to do, such as which profession they want to work in, however sometimes there can be exceptions. I was, and still am, one of these exceptions. It can be difficult growing up with no idea of where you want to go in life, especially when you're surrounded by people who are filled with ambition and the energy to go for what they want in life. It can be difficult feeling like your life, and perhaps your personality, are lacking to a certain degree, as it feels as if it's leading up to nothing; just one big anti-climax. We spend our youth wishing it away, wanting to leave school, to get a job, to do other things, yet when you're the youth who doesn't want time to move, things can get tough. Teachers and parents try and tell you the importance of making plans, plans for the future, but they don't have an effect; you remain the same. No matter how many times you're told, nothing sinks in, nothing has an impact, nothings changes. You feel like a corpse. You'll never move. Nothing will ever change in your life, you'll still be the same lazy and worthless bag of flesh that you were to begin with.
These are the messages you're told. If you're not thinking about future, what are you thinking about? It's the most important thing, right? There's no need to live for the present; it's all about the future. Many people simply give in and go with what teachers and parents tell them to do. They fake it. They get a job in a profession that they're not interested in, and live their lives the way that they've been told to. But does it make a difference? You had no opinion in the first place, so doing something like this is the same, isn't it? No. Just because certain people seem indifferent towards their futures, does not mean that they no longer have an opinion. I know what jobs I wouldn't want to do. I know what things in life that I don't want to do.
Perhaps me and the others are just afraid of commitment. I, personally, don't want to get tied down to one thing, and live that way for my entire life. I want variety; I want spontaneity. I don't want to be bored anymore. The only problem is the picking. The picking and the choosing of what it is I want to do with the life that I didn't even ask for. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ungrateful, life can be great, perhaps, but I'm just unsure of what to do with it.
Perhaps it's an age thing. Maybe I'll grow out of it.
